Apocalypse Awakening

Well October has come and almost gone in a breath. 2025 has been the fastest and longest year of my life. Yes, I know that doesn’t make sense, but trust me, time is STRANGE. All these horrors ongoing, making each day feel like 1,000; and yet, I feel powerless to stop anything, and so the days slide by in an ever-blurring movie, which may or may not be AI-generated. The East Wing of the White House is gone, for goddess’ sake.

In the midst of worldly chaos, I am panicking over employment. (“Join the club!” yell all the people in line at food banks since SNAP benefits have been cancelled…) I graduate in two months and I don’t think I want Internship II. The pay is terrible everywhere though and it is massively triggering my ego, identity, and self-worth. It’s making me feel like a whole 45-year-old failure.

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What the fuck bird was that!? Nature draws me back to reality, away from my self-induced self-loathing. I’m so disconnected from my non-human relatives. It’s the reason for MOST of our mental health woes, I think……

I listened to a podcast last night about a lady who experienced a non-drug-induced awakening. Honestly, it sounded terrifying. She left her body and experienced the Oneness of the Universe. She heard the trees talking and everything was filled with light. She knew her soul was here to experience this exact life, that she had agreed to it, had wanted this. Now she was filled with grace and compassion, and she could forgive everyone for everything.

Lah. Ti. Dah.

What does it mean to forgive? What will my life look like when I’ve really let go of the hurt?

I’m not sure. And I’m not sure I have time to wonder. Truth be told, I think we have less than 5 years. (Until? I don’t know but not “normalcy.”) All these fucking worries swirling around in my head, but at the end of the day it is, well, The End. What absurd ways we humans spend our time when we have none left….

(I love an ellipsis by the way. Future generations would hypothetically be able to distinguish me as a Millennial, if they were to exist and spend their time reading this drivel……although I also use Boomer words like “drivel.”)

Well, off to spend a night in the Poconos with J__ to celebrate our 18th anniversary. This time last year, I thought we had already celebrated our last.

Isn’t that funny? Things I believed were truly dead have come roaring back to life. When I think about the death of the climate, the death of democracy, the death of Palestine and its beautiful, faithful people, I believe it is The End.

But The End is only ever a New Beginning.